She went from zero to smokin in five shots
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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