Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
