She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
