forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
