i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
