so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
