I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
