You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
