Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
