Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
