I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
you never un-have a 4some
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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