IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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