You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
