ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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