Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
