? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
