i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
