why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
