Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
