So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
