I faked an abortion last night.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
my poor anus
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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