my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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