The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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