I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
