eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
