Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
