I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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