just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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