My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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