my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
