Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We need a shit load of segways right now
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
