Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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