If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
