I just cut my nipple shaving
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
