I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
