See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
