put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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