Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
