it hurts more in the daytime
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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