You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
