Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
