Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
