I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
