so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
