Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
