Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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