Swine flu. Run for my life!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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