this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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