I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You are a genius and a whore.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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