I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
