Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
