I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
