Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
FUCK WHALES
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
